Are you comfortable in church (is it too ‘feminine’)?
The Church Mouse covered the Sorted survey the other day, which suggested that men are ‘less comfortable in Church than in a lingerie department’. Today, Mouse has unearthed some more detail from Christian Research, who organised the survey, and the even more interesting piece of information is that less than half of people who say they are Christians feel comfortable in church – and, startlingly, only 14-15% of Christian men aged between 18 and 34 feel comfortable in Church.
Mouse hits the nail on the head when he says “if we can’t create a church in which Christians feel comfortable, we really do have some serious questions to ask about how we expect anyone else to feel comfortable there.”
I agree with Mouse – and a further point would be to ask how comfortable women feel in church. DIscovfering that men don’t feel comfortable could lead to the easy asumption that Church is too feminine/shouldn’t be run by women/is what women like – but why assume that? Maybe women don’t feel comfortable either – maybe we are all putting up with something we don’t like very much. Do women like church? are they more religious than men? or are they just more willing to put up with not feeling comfortable?
I can’t count the number of times I’ve heard a woman say to me “I wouldn’t go to this church if it was just me, but the kids’ work is great, so that’s why I stick around”. That’s only anecdotal of course; it would be interesting to find out more. It would be even more interesting to find out what we could do to make Church interesting and appealing, instead of cringey, awkward or boring to the majority of people.
I’m put in mind of Jesus’ followers (men and women) who certainly went to synagogue regularly but who spend most of their time taking boat trips, going fishing, taking amazingly long walks, having huge picnics, visiting people in their homes, eating and drinking “with sinners” (down the pub?)…
Go to Mouse’s latest post to read the rest of the stats and some good comments
7 Responses to “Are you comfortable in church (is it too ‘feminine’)?”
Comments
Pingbacks and Trackbacks
Reply
-
author musician theologian
Maggi has kept a blog since September 2003, writing about theology and faith, the arts and literature, and a little about life and random nonsense...
In an increasingly secularised society few people have a good working knowledge of the Bible. Yet a great deal of our culture is built on stories or ideas that come from the Bible. Literature, art, music, language and even the fabric of our society - such as our justice system - are built on Christian concepts and biblical references. The Writing on the Wall provides a fascinating introduction to the Bible's best-known, and most influential, stories. Each chapter gives some background to the text of the Bible, and shows how the stories have become enmeshed in Western culture. Adam and Eve, the ten plagues of Egypt, The Prodigal Son and Mary Magdalene all feature - along with how the Bible has influenced everyone from Shakespeare to Monty Python, and Caravaggio to Banksy. 
Giving It Up explores the Lenten idea of 'giving up', taking it beyond the traditional idea of simply abstaining from something, and suggesting instead that what we need to give up is our existing ideas about God. With a daily readings for each day of Lent, from Ash Wednesday to Easter Sunday, it follows the heroes of the Bible who had to give up their own too-small ideas about God.
This is Maggi’s bestselling book of daily readings for each day of Advent, Christmas and Epiphany. Advent is the beginning of the Church year, and marks the anticipation of the coming Messiah. These readings explore how beginnings and endings in our own lives are illuminated by the different Gospel narratives of Christ's coming.
-
Search
-
-
Maggi,
Whilst I am from a very low tradition I also want to ask the question. Are we supposed to feel comfortable in Church? Is deliberately choosing to come into the presence of the Almighty, the Creator supposed to be always comfortable?
Is the teaching of Jesus supposed to make us comfortable? If we are comfortable can we be hearing the gospel challenge us and the world?
Is it always going to be comfortable to be salt, yeast, light in a world that rejects Christ?
I think as well as asking whether we are comfortable in Church we should ask if we are sufficiently challenged and uncomfortable in Church.
Now Dave that is a REALLY good question. But I suspect that the “not comfortable” the survey turned up wasn’t so much the uncomfortableness you get from being challenged (similar, maybe to a gym, a book club or a seminar) but the uncomfortableness you get from being a fish out of water.
So your question leads to a new and improved one – how can we make the most of the challenge, and minimise the things that are irrelevant to spirituality, but make people feel so alienated they can’t even see what the challenge is.
this is really interesting.
Having read both of the highlighted churchmouse posts I’m wondering something – the description “comfort” seems to relate to the whole experience – everything from physical comfort (pews/building/possibly group and its demographic) to the comfort/confidence one might have participating (that is hymns, liturgical form, worship “style”) – that being said – what would the figures look like if we were to ask related questions?
What is more – and forgive my ignorance here – is this a strictly CofE based survey? Or were the 1000 or so men surveyed coming from different denomonations. I ask because then you get into the curious ground of mixed culture. I come from the Eastern side of the border and confess that I find Western style worship, and physical comfort issues (i.e. pews are sooo wierd to me) – very awkward indeed, but drop me into an Eastern community (regardless of its national style) and I’m a happy bunny.
Thus, I wonder, if for example this survey is broadly CofE based – then the interesting question might be – if your existing experience is low church, have you tried a mid to high church community and if so were your impressions altered? In this way – especially in the CofE, I suspect you would get a refined sense of what’s happening – because move from one stream of anglican to the next and all of the first two issues shift a bit – and possibly enough to make a difference in the readings.
I am in no position to comment on whether this particular survey focussed on the CofE or not, but similar findings among evangelical/charismatic churches in the US would suggest that it is not a specifically CofE issue. While accepting that the purpose of our churches is not to make us feel “comfortable”, it does raise a whole lot of questions as to how (and whether) the medium of our church communities is incarnating the message and person of Jesus. If we have made it cringey or boring (forget awkward for a moment) then surely something is wrong?
I was wondering why men feel uncomfortable in church, is it the higher ration of women to men in some churches?
We have an about equal number male to female at Sunday services and on the electoral roll, but I have noticed that most of our Church Wardens are female and I am normally the only male at mid-week communion (apart from the Vicar).
Perhaps men just feel more comfortable in the Pub or playing cricket or golf, and turning up with the wife or partner on a Sunday (this is a generalisation) but I for one feel very comfortable in Church and working in the Ministry Team, with a number of very effective female lay ministers.
I don’t have an educated answer only a gut feeling that some men are perhaps embarrassed to be seen to be active church members – I certainly feel uncomfortable in Lingerie Departments, especially when my wife teases me about it.