Regular readers here will know that I post from time to time about doubt – how healthy it is to express and explore doubt, how it is an essential part of a growing faith.

One of the things that is particularly difficult for leaders in Christian communities is to get enough space to let doubt work its way through. In fact, it's sometimes the simbple fact of being a leader that can create some of the doubts. If you are expected to show up every week to worship, often in a leading role, and regularly to have something encouraging to say to others, the point can come when you wonder whether it's "real" for you, or whether you do this because you always have. It's not unique to those who are in paid ministry. Simply having a responsibility and a commitment to a Church can create this situation. It takes some creativity and determination to keep your faith flexible and alive, so that you don't realise too late that it has hardened and ossified into something that doesn't feed your soul any longer. 

Real Live Preacher writes:

"…there is a certain emotional burden that comes with being the pastor. I’m the one you know will always be there. I’m the one who arrives early to open the doors and stays late to lock them. And I’m the one who will always always always have something to say on Sundays. I can’t speak for other ministers, but I’ve lost touch with how I feel because how I feel doesn’t really matter. I’m paid to be there on Sundays, so I will be there.

I’m a professional Christian. That sounds crass, but I am. I try to keep my own personal devotion and spiritual practice alive, but there is always that obligation resting heavily on my shoulders. Am I a part of the community, or am I an employee of the community? That’s a real question that all ministers should ask themselves, in my opinion."