I don’t believe in Pat Robertson’s God either. But it’s odd, I think, that Dawkins is so insistent that everyone else must choose between believing or not believing in the same monstrous caricature. The fundamentalist account of God is monstrous, but it’s not the prevalent view by any means, and it’s certainly the least interesting kind of theology. Has Dawkins not read Gerard Manley Hopkins, Coleridge, Tennyson, Dante, Chaucer, Moltmann, Rahner, Schleiermacher, Brueggemann… ? I guess not. Perhaps it would be too much of a challenge to listen carefully to another kind of account. Much simpler to insist that the only options are Robertson’s God or atheism.

George Pitcher mocks gently, and concludes: “Dawkers is a great recruiting officer for faith. He repels tolerant atheists and inspires uncommitted inquirers to look further into what he so ludicrously and entertainingly misrepresents. I think he should be made an honorary bishop.”

Dear Pat Robertson,

I know that you know that all press is good press, so I appreciate the shout-out. And you make God look like a big mean bully who kicks people when they are down, so I’m all over that action. But when you say that Haiti has made a pact with me, it is totally humiliating. I may be evil incarnate, but I’m no welcher. The way you put it, making a deal with me leaves folks desperate and impoverished. Sure, in the afterlife, but when I strike bargains with people, they first get something here on earth — glamour, beauty, talent, wealth, fame, glory, a golden fiddle. Those Haitians have nothing, and I mean nothing. And that was before the earthquake. Haven’t you seen “Crossroads”? Or “Damn Yankees”? If I had a thing going with Haiti, there’d be lots of banks, skyscrapers, SUVs, exclusive night clubs, Botox — that kind of thing. An 80 percent poverty rate is so not my style. Nothing against it — I’m just saying: Not how I roll. You’re doing great work, Pat, and I don’t want to clip your wings — just, come on, you’re making me look bad. And not the good kind of bad. Keep blaming God. That’s working. But leave me out of it, please. Or we may need to renegotiate your own contract.

Best, Satan