the journey

On December 9, 2008 / By maggi dawn / Reply
There is something insidious and terrible about ministry, regardless of whether or not you do it as a paid occupation. There is this thing that happens, once you get the reputation for being good at it. People all over start to depend uopn you for far more than you're able to give, and you can (if you're not careful and don't surround yourself with people who will tell you loud and clear that you're losing the thread) start to believe that what they need is you.
 
Sometimes I even wonder if this is what killed Jesus in the end. At least I think it's what makes sense of his habit of walking away, disappearing up mountains or down to the sea.
 
It's a massive error, believing that you are indispensible, believing that you are part of their salvation. I love the words of Oscar Romero – "We are ministers. Not Messiahs." It takes strength and determination, when the voices get louder and louder, and the pull inside you to want to help is strong, just to get up and walk in the other direction: to go into a room with no phone, no email, just an easel and paints, or a guitar and a piano, and shut the door behind you. But if you let the pressure drain you out, you'll have nothing left. If you cease to be human, you have nothing to give to anyone.
 
I like these words from Mary Oliver:
 
One day you finally knew
what you had to do, and began,
though the voices around you
kept shouting
their bad advice–
though the whole house
began to tremble
and you felt the old tug
at your ankles.
“Mend my life!”
each voice cried.
But you didn’t stop.
You knew what you had to do,
though the wind pried
with its stiff fingers
at the very foundations,
though their melancholy
was terrible.
It was already late
enough, and a wild night,
and the road full of fallen
branches and stones.
But little by little,
as you left their voices behind,
the stars began to burn
through the sheets of clouds,
and there was a new voice
which you slowly
recognized as your own,
that kept you company
as you strode deeper and deeper
into the world,
determined to do
the only thing you could do–
determined to save
the only life you could save.

(Mary Oliver)
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